Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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