DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
