my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
