Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
