wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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