they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Still dying that you shit outside
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
