I feel great
I just peed on a car
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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