Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
