think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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