Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
