I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
