areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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