Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
