He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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