My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
