The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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