im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
