Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can't motorboat a personality
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
