Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
