found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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