I puked a lego.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
