I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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