Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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