in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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