I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
