That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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