idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
