i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
