I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
