Got a toothbrush?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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