there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
