My boss' voice literally gives me gas
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
