eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
