just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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