I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
