i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
