I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
