woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I party with great urgency now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
