I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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