i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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