worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
