You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
