We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
