I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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