I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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