I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
