I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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