I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
