Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
