I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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