If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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