If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
