I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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