small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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