even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
